The Secret Things Belong To The Lord

It is almost 3:00 a.m here, and a migraine headache has woken me up.

I came in here to my computer & started surfing about God, Spiritual Issues, and depression. (Yes, I have been battling depression for many, many years on & off ~ but, I know I am not alone.) Anyway, in the process, I came across a very interesting blog. I sat here & read all of the things she had written & I was just blown away at her writings...her honesty, her insight, her questions, her search for God & desire to grow in her relationship with Him. She seems to be my kind of person!! She is very insightful and full of a ton of awesome questions that I believe so many of us have.

I feel like I have so much to say....(No surprise for those who know me!! LOL!!)

I was "saved" (baptized & all) when I was 7 years old. My parents fell away from church for various reasons, so I was not "raised in church," but, I always considered myself a Christian. I just never grew in my relationship with Him after I accepted Jesus as my Lord & Savior. I wasted SO MUCH TIME, living a backslidden life (through highschool & college.) After I got married, in 1993, I "rededicated" my life to Jesus and my faith started growing like crazy!!!

But, THEN....The Oklahoma City Bombing happened. I just sat in front of the T.V. for HOURS watching the footage of the horror!! I specifically remember a fireman carrying a limp, lifeless baby (I think the baby girl's name was Bailey??) Anyway, I just sat & cried and continually asked God, "How could You allow this to happen?"

My growing "faith" came to a SCREECHING HAULT. I quit going to church and turned away from God, because I just COULD NOT understand WHY He did not stop this tragedy from happening and allow so many innocent people to go through such pain...There was just no way that I could possibly understand...especially, the innocent babies & children who died that horrific day...

My relationship with God was like this for YEARS...I would really start growing in my relationship with Him, then a tragedy like the OCB or Columbine or 9/11 would happen & I would pull away from God, because I could not begin to understand all of the "WHY's?" The typical things that people say, i.e., "Well, God had a REASON he allowed this to happen" etc...brought me ZERO COMFORT. (Even though these things were not happening DIRECTLY to ME!!) I still remember when the OCB happened, seeing sobbing parents on T.V. saying, "All I can say is that GOD and my faith are the ONLY THINGS helping me through this tragedy." (and, though I personally felt ANGER towards God & I turned away from Him, I must admit, I WANTED THAT KIND OF UNSHAKABLE FAITH, that these weeping, hurting people had!! I CRAVED that kind of
unshakable faith, but had no idea how to get it...

Months would pass by after one of my bouts of "pulling away" from God & I JUST PLAIN MISSED HIM!! So, I would start seeking Him again. This roller coaster ride of my relationship with God went on for YEARS...

Then, one day, I read a passage from The Bible that I knew "I JUST HAD TO ACCEPT."

Deuteronomy 29:29 ~ "THE SECRET THINGS BELONG TO THE LORD OUR GOD, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law."

HMMMM....."THE SECRET THINGS BELONG TO THE LORD...."

The commentary in my Bible about this passage basically says that God has revealed so much to us, but He has not revealed EVERYTHING. Possibly because there is NO WAY our finite minds could comprehend the infinite mind of God...

I made a decision that day. I just accepted that there is SO MUCH about this world that I will NEVER have the answers to, this side of Heaven...PERIOD.

This "acceptance" has helped me SO MUCH!! Like I said, I have so much I would like to say (as if I haven't already said enough LOL!!) but, I at least wanted to share with you MY biggest obstacle in my relationship with God for YEARS.

I still have SO MUCH to learn about God and I KNOW that I let Him down DAILY. I AM SO THANKFUL FOR HIS MERCY, HIS GRACE, & HIS PATIENCE!!! This life is a struggle and Jesus said, "When we have trials & tribulations in this world...." He didn't say, "IF" we have trials & tribulations.......He said, "WHEN."

Romans 3:23 says, "ALL have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God." ..............not, "SOME" but "ALL." And that is why God is so AWESOME and has truly shown His Love for us by sending HIS SON, JESUS, to pay the ultimate price for OUR SINS, which we could have NEVER afforded to pay!!

Thank-YOU, PRECIOUS JESUS, for paying for MY SINS with the ULTIMATE SACRIFICE....YOUR LIFE. AMEN.

Thanks for taking time to read this!! God Bless You!!

May We ALL Seek Him Daily ~
Paige